I found the pressure just to much and after visiting my gp in early December am now being treated for depression. I have lost all motivation and the will to do anything, which for someone that has always thrived on hard work and passion is difficult to understand. I can't even be bothered to pay any real attention to my children. I have to use every drop of strength just to get out of bed. Some days I can't even face having a shower.
There doesn't seem to any way out and the financial pressure is such a burden. I can't even begin to contemplate working for someone else and there is certainly no way I would earn enough to take care of my family.
I keep being told something will turn up but in my heart I know it wont. I'm very lucky to have friends and family supporting me but as soon as they have gone I fall back into a dark pit of despair.
I'm not a particularly intelligent person, just a grafter really. And you have to be so much more these days - unfortunately I just don't have a brain that absorbs information very well so I have to accept that at 43 i'm faced with years of doing something that I don't like and not having enough money to provide for my family.
I think I was suffering mild depression for years before this business problem. We lost one of our sons to meningitis several years ago and even though after numerous miscarriages we were blessed to have a daughter I think something inside me changed. I don't seem to cope with problems like I used to. And every time I think about my situation now I hyperventilate and go into an uncontrollable panic attack. My only escape is at nights when I take a handful of pills and sleep - but as soon as I wake the pain thumps my head and chest and the turmoil begins again. I hust don't know how much more of this I can take. Is there anyone in a similar position that can offer advice or comment?
